Leaving Her
by CherBella
Summary: From the moment they first met, he was always leaving her. In a moment of crisis, Bella reflects on her life and marriage to an Army man. An entry for the "For the Love of Jasper" contest.
1. Chapter 1

"_**For the Love of Jasper" One-Shot Contest**_

_**Title: **Leaving Her_

_**Pen name: **CherBella_

_**Existing work: N/A**_

_**Primary Players: **Bella and Jasper_

_**Disclaimer: **I own nothing related to Twilight, Stephenie Meyer owns all._

_**MILITARY DISCLAIMER**: I know **nothing** about the Army, their policies or procedures. I googled info on West Point and I watch Army Wives. :) (Which actually inspired the idea for this one-shot) I fully admit to making up what I needed to for dramatic effect._

_**To see other entries in the "For the Love of Jasper" contest, please visit the C2:**_

_**www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/For_the_Love_of_Jasper_Contest/72564/**_

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Leaving…he was always leaving.

He had always been married to the corps, she was really only his mistress. He was only hers whenever the Army didn't need him…a weekend here and there, occasionally an entire week…if she was _really_ lucky she'd get a month or two or three. Sometimes that was worse though. Just when she'd get used to having him around, to waking up next to his warm body–the army would call him back into their clutches and she would be alone again in a cold empty bed.

She should have expected it though–from the moment they first met, he was always leaving her.

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

The night she and Jasper met they were on a double date…with other people. She was living in New York City and in her second year at Columbia University. She was "dating" (if you could call it that at their early stage) Edward, a super nice, absolutely gorgeous guy from her biology class. They'd only gone out two or three times, so they were still at the casual, "getting-to-know-you" stage. One weekend he asked her if she would mind going on a double date with another couple. An old high school friend of his was in town for the weekend from West Point and Edward was setting him up with another friend of theirs, Angela. Bella wasn't really crazy about doubling, especially with what would essentially be a blind date for the other couple. She just envisioned a long night of awkward conversation if Angela and Edward's friend didn't hit it off.

Well it _did_ turn out to be an awkward evening but not for the reason Bella expected. From the moment Edward introduced Jasper to her, he captured her attention (and her heart, she would realize later) immediately. He stood up from the restaurant booth to shake her hand, that killer, sexy lazy grin stretching across his face, his blue eyes twinkling. His blonde hair was shorn close to his head in the typical military buzz cut, and his body was definitely that of a lean, well-conditioned soldier. His t-shirt stretched taut across his chest and his well-defined biceps were barely contained by the small shirtsleeves. Add in the Texas accent ("yes ma'am" "sugar" and "darlin'") and Bella was a goner. Jasper was as well, apparently. They had a hard time keeping their eyes off of each other, goofy smiles on their faces all night. They had to force themselves to shower some attention on Edward and Angela and include them in the conversation. Once, their legs accidentally brushed against each other under the table and they could both feel the electric current pulsing between them.

At the end of the evening, Jasper was a true southern gentleman, politely telling Bella how nice it had been to meet her and then waiting on the stoop while Edward walked Bella up to her apartment. She found herself sad that she had to say goodbye to Jasper, and she thought he might have felt the same way. When he said goodnight, the twinkle was gone from his eyes and his smile was only slight. But he hid it well, for Edward's sake. He would not steal his best friend's date.

An hour later Bella was just getting into bed when her cell phone buzzed. It was Jasper. As soon as Edward had walked out of Bella's apartment building he'd asked Jasper for his cell phone and immediately plugged Bella's number in and handed it back to him. He saw how the two of them looked at each other all evening and knew he didn't have a chance anymore.

Bella teased Jasper about not following the "man rules" and waiting at least three days before calling a girl. Jasper explained he was from the south and that southern men were taught to never keep a woman waiting and to never let a good thing get away. They talked all night, until the sun came up. The next night he took Bella out on their first date. They managed to make it through dinner but skipped the movie and barely made it back to her apartment. There on her hallway floor, they made love for the first time, a tangle of clothes and limbs, skin and heat, need and passion. They eventually made it to her bed, but there was very little sleeping by either of them that night.

The sun was streaming brightly in her windows when she felt Jasper nudging her awake, whispering her name in his husky voice, and caressing her face. As she opened her eyes she smiled at the sight of him. He was already up and dressed. It was just after noon and he had to get back to Edward's to pick up his stuff and then head back to West Point before curfew. With a promise to call and a kiss that left her moaning his name…he was gone. If Bella had only known at the time how much that moment was a foreshadowing of her future–and how many times it would be repeated.

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

Bella sat on the floor in the darkened room, and pulled out one of the many pieces of paper stuffed in the small box. The paper did not look ten years old; it looked like he had written it yesterday. It was the first note he'd left for her. She'd found it taped on her bathroom mirror.

_Bella,_

_I know we just met, but I can't stop thinking about you. Even with you in the next room, I miss you already. I hated having to leave your bed this morning–well, this afternoon. The sound of my name falling from your lips is the sexiest, most beautiful sound I've ever heard and I can't wait to hear it over…and over…and over again. _

_Talk to you soon, sugar,_

_Jasper_

The smile on her face lasted for a week.

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

Jasper called her later that evening to apologize again for leaving so abruptly. He didn't have much time to talk, but he made sure she'd found the note and reiterated how much he couldn't wait to see her again soon.

Dating while they were both in college was a challenge. They usually could only manage to get together a weekend or two a month. Jasper would almost always come down to visit her since she had her own apartment and there was so much more to do and see in the city…not that they left the apartment very often. Not being able to see each other much, they had to make the best of the time they had. Besides the distance, (West Point was about an hour and a half from New York City, on a good day) Jasper's time was always limited. West Point was one of the most prestigious and rigorous military schools in the country and the cadets often had to take part in training missions on the weekends, along with other rituals and lessons. And there were rules for everything. Every time she asked Jasper why he could or couldn't do something, his answer was almost always the same_–"It's a rule, baby." _She often grumbled that they needed to institute a rule about required mandatory visits to girlfriends. Jasper always got a big kick out of her when she said that. He'd throw his head back and laugh so loud and then wrap her up in his arms and squeeze her tight and tell her again how much he loved her and missed her, and wished he could be with her every day…and then with a smirk he'd say that he'd be sure to petition the commander for the new rule.

Jasper was so mild-mannered and open with his feelings and affections–definitely not the typical military stereotype of a stoic, macho, keep-your-emotions-bottled-up male. And yet he loved the military life with a passion. Whenever Bella would ask him how things were going at school, he would go into long, detailed descriptions of some new mission or exercise they had learned that week. He would gesture with his hands, and his eyes and his face would be bursting with excitement. Often Bella would zone out on what he was saying and just watch him while he talked…he was so happy and exuberant, and as much as she detested the military lifestyle, she loved seeing him so energized and alive.

Jasper's grandfather (or "Grandpappy" as Jasper lovingly called him) and his father were both Army men. His grandfather had been in Korea, his father in Viet Nam. His father had become a career Army man and so Jasper had grown up an Army brat. His family never pushed Jasper toward a military career, it was his own dream, the only thing he'd ever wanted to do. He loved every aspect of it, especially the intellectual part–the strategy involved in plotting different tactical maneuvers and approaches. It was no surprise that he was one of the top cadets in his class. He was smart and a quick study, and he scored in the top percentile on many of the operational maneuvers and practice war games. Before leaving West Point, all cadets had to choose a branch of the Army to go into after graduation, but before Jasper even got a chance to choose, he was called into the commander's office. With Jasper's intelligence and excellent critical thinking skills, he was being chosen to become one of the members of a super, top-secret special-forces unit. They were called in at a moment's notice for classified and usually very dangerous missions. It was an honor to be a member of such a team, but it also required a lot of commitment. It was a hard lifestyle. This was not a decision to be taken lightly and although Jasper was ready to sign on the dotted line they made him take a week to think it over. Jasper didn't need to think it over but he did need to talk to one person.

That weekend was one of the few weekends Bella came up to West Point to visit. Jasper borrowed a buddy's car and drove them out into the country to spend the weekend at a secluded bed and breakfast. Bella was so excited for such a quiet weekend, just the two of them alone…until he sat her down and told her about the decision he had before him. He explained as much as he could about the special-forces group he would be joining and all that it entailed, skimming over nothing–he was brutally honest about the danger and the long absences. He held her cold hand in his and stroked it gently while searching her eyes. She was a bit numb, still processing what all this meant…both for him and for themselves as a couple. For the last six months she had been thinking about what was going to happen when they both graduated. She knew he would be going away somewhere and she didn't know what he would want. Or what she wanted for that matter. Could they survive a long-distance relationship? Or would it be better to just end things and for both of them to pursue their individual dreams? Her palms got sweaty and her chest started to ache every time she thought of that option so she would quickly put it out of her head. She knew she was really just denying the inevitable–if she didn't think about it, maybe it would never come. But now, here they were, the moment had arrived and she was scared to hear what he would say next. She saw his mouth moving again and she forced herself to refocus on what he was saying.

"_Bella…Bella sweetheart look at me." _He pulled one of his hands away from hers and reached up to tenderly touch her jaw and turn her face towards his. His eyes were shiny and damp as he looked into her eyes, into her soul. _"Bella…being in the Army is all I've ever wanted to do, and this is a huge opportunity for me. But it's also going to be difficult, probably the most demanding thing I'll ever do. It will be a tough life and I know it's not fair to ask you for this, to ask you to live this life with me. But…I don't want to do this without you. I love you so much my beautiful, fiery, sexy Bella…please say __you'll come with me. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife, Bella?"_

Her hands flew out of his and up to her face, covering her mouth that had dropped open in shock. _Did he really just…oh my God_…she was expecting him to break up with her and instead he had just asked her to marry him, to be his forever. Her heart was racing and the tears flowed endlessly down her cheeks. The concern for the danger he would be in and the all-consuming Army lifestyle was quickly drowned out by her love for this man and the joy she felt at the prospect of being with him always.

Tears were starting to flow from his eyes as well, as he watched her reaction–not quite sure if hers were happy tears or sad ones. _"Bella…"_ he choked out, with just enough of a questioning tone that she suddenly realized she'd not given him an answer.

"_Oh YES Jasper! Yes, Yes, YES!" _she cried out. She threw her arms around him and leapt into his lap, and they stayed that way for the longest time, holding on tight to each other, their faces wet with their tears. They finally pulled away to look at each other, the intense love and passion each of them felt for the other reflected in their eyes. They laughed with joy, and then Jasper reached up, his hands delicately cradling her face, and he swiped away her tears with his thumbs. He pulled her face forward, gently caressing her lips with his…pulling her down to the bed with him.

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

Years later Bella often though of that moment and wondered if she had been too impulsive that day by letting her heart completely make her decision without really thinking things through with her head. She felt awful every time for thinking such a thought–whatever feelings Bella had about their life together over the years, she could never say she ever felt unloved. And her intense, burning love for Jasper never changed either…but life married to a soldier was grueling and lonely and frustrating. And sometimes she didn't know if she wanted it anymore.

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

A month after he asked her to marry him, Jasper graduated with honors from West Point. Two days later, he and Bella were married in a small ceremony, just immediate family and friends. They had a short three-day honeymoon at Niagara Falls and then, before she knew it, Bella was dropping him off at the airport, on his way to Fort Bragg to begin his army career. She would stay behind for a couple of weeks to finish school and pack up her apartment before joining him.

It was such a whirlwind week that when she opened the door to her empty apartment, she dropped her keys and suitcases in the hallway and crashed on her sofa for a nap, all her adrenaline and nervous energy gone. She could feel the exhaustion overtaking every bone in her body. When she awoke two hours later alone in her darkened, quiet apartment, it almost felt like the past week had been a dream. Only the tiny sparkling diamond on her left finger proved otherwise.

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

Bella pulled another note out of the box, this one seven years old and tear-stained. That first night back in her apartment in New York–alone, but newly married and missing her husband desperately–was such a bittersweet night. She was happy…and sad at the same time. She was unpacking her suitcase and as she pulled out the lace teddy that she had barely worn on their wedding night, a scrap of paper fell out from it. She bent down to pick it up and tears immediately sprang to her eyes as she recognized Jasper's quick, hurried scrawl.

_My beautiful Mrs. Whitlock,_

_As I lay here watching you sleep, I can hardly believe that you agreed to be mine today. Knowing that I won't be with you when you read this tears my heart apart. I don't know what I did to deserve a woman as wonderful as you but I thank the heavens every day for sending you to me. I know things won't always be easy, but I promise you will have my love and devotion and support every day of the rest of our lives. Always know that you are never far from my mind and my heart…you __are__ my heart._

_See you soon my darlin',_

_Your loving husband, Mr. Whitlock_

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

The first two years of their marriage were good. They moved three different times to three different Army bases, as Jasper worked his way through all of the different stages of his training. He was often gone but only for relatively short periods of time–a weekend, a week or two here or there…once for an entire month. That particular separation was the hardest, but at least he was allowed to call home every night. Bella disliked the moving but like every Army wife, she became a pro at it. As for working, she had graduated Columbia with a double major in journalism and English and so she decided to put her degrees to use by becoming a freelance writer. This way she could work for anyone from anywhere Jasper got stationed.

Bella was pretty happy at this point–she had adjusted to Army life, she loved Jasper and she loved being his wife. Jasper was so wonderful, and she was so lucky that he loved her. When he was home with her, he always made sure his sole attention and focus was on her–helping her, being with her, showing her how much he loved her and how much she meant to him. She was his whole world.

The day finally came when his training was done and he got his official appointment to the special-forces team. He was so thrilled and excited; he burst through their door and grabbed Bella up in his arms, spinning her around. She loved seeing him so joyous that she pushed down the fear and the reservations running through the back of her mind and concentrated only on his happiness.

But it wasn't long before he got the orders for his first mission. Everything was top-secret which meant that he couldn't tell her anything about where he would be going or for how long. Bella tried to be strong for Jasper but she found her fear was slowly tearing her apart. This was no longer training…this was real. There would be a real enemy this time, an enemy who didn't care if her husband lived or died, in fact he would probably prefer him dead.

Bella tried to put on a fake smile but Jasper knew better, he could feel every ounce of fear radiating from her. It broke his heart to be doing this to her. He was confident in his skills and his team–they were a brotherhood and they took care of each other. He knew he would be fine. But he didn't know how to convince Bella of that. The night before he left he finished zipping up his duffel bag and placed it by the door to pick up on his way out in the morning. Done, he looked around and he realized he hadn't seen or heard Bella in a while. He did a quick check of the rooms in their tiny house and he finally found her sitting outside on the back steps. Her face was bent down, hiding in her hands and he knew she was crying and trying it hide it from him. He opened the screen door quietly and stepped lightly onto the small deck. Bella still heard him and quickly started swiping at her eyes. He sat down and settled himself behind Bella, reaching around and enveloping her in his strong arms and pulling her between his legs and tight to his chest. He tucked her head under his chin and just sat there, holding her, as her tears were still silently falling. _"It's okay sugar…just let it all out,"_ he whispered into her ear. Her body began to shake with sobs, and he just kept holding on tight, rocking them back and forth. He spoke again, _"I wish I could ease your fear baby, but I promise I will be fine, please try not to worry…"_

"_I'm sorry, I know I should be strong for you…"_ As she started to speak, he immediately leaned away and turned her head to look at him, a stern but loving look on his face.

"_Bella, don't you ever apologize to me for showing your feelings…and don't you ever try to hide them from me either! Happy or sad, I want us always to be honest with each other and I don't want you ever to feel like you can't share what you're feeling with me." _

They held each other all night, neither of them wanting to leave each other's arms. Bella still didn't sleep much but she did feel much more calm…though she knew she'd fall apart again once he left.

The next morning Bella walked him to the front door, holding his hand, not wanting to let go of him. He stopped and turned toward her, letting go of her hand and cradling her face gently in both of his hands. He stared down at her, trying to project all of his love for her through his eyes. He kissed her delicately on the top of her hair, closing his eyes and inhaling her scent…committing it to memory. _"My dear sweet Bella,"_ he whispered. He moved on to her temple, placing another kiss there and continued on down her face and jaw line. Bella closed her eyes and tilted her head back as he placed more kisses on her neck. _"Oh Jasper…"_ she breathed, as she grabbed his arms, pulling herself more tightly to his body. He wrapped his arms around her, sliding his hands up her back, feeling the heat of her body beneath her thin nightshirt. He captured her lips with his in a heated kiss, full of love and intensity and passion. Her lips met his with the same fervor and desire, hungrily, forcefully…parting to welcome his tongue. She tangled her hands in his hair, tugging on it, while pressing herself against him. Her nipples grew hard the moment they met the rough fabric of his shirt and she pushed her hips desperately against his. Anything to hold him here for even one second more.

Jasper groaned and broke their kiss. _"Bella…"_ his voice was deep and rough with need and his breathing labored. He pressed his forehead against hers. _"If we keep this up I won't be able to leave."_

"_Then don't leave,"_ she whispered.

"_I have to baby…I love you so much…but I have to go." _He pressed one last kiss to her forehead, picked up his bag and turned and walked out the door.

She leaned her whole body against the closed door and let the tears fall again…

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

Bella remembered how hard it was letting him go on that first mission…she was of course, afraid of the worst. Bella picked up the next note in the box and smiled.

After she'd finally managed to force herself away from the door he had just left from, she'd gone back into their bedroom. She was exhausted and sad and scared and just wanted to go back to bed and stay there until he came home. As she climbed under the covers she saw a folded shirt on Jasper's pillow and a note attached.

_My sweet, sweet baby,_

_Since the day we met, we have spent so much time apart and you have sacrificed so much to be with me, to love me. My heart literally broke in two last night, seeing you in tears and in pain because of me and my choice of a career in the Army. I know am a greedy, selfish man because I want you both, but I promise my darlin' that it won't always be this way and I will spend every moment of my life making up to you for all of the tears and worry and loneliness you must endure on my behalf._

_I know no words can convince you or sooth your fears right now. All I can offer is my heart and my never-ending love for you, my Bella…a love that I __promise__ will always bring me back home to you._

_Until I am home again to hold you and comfort you, wear this shirt of mine to bed each night…I know it's a poor substitute but I hope it will help you feel that at least a little part of me is there with you. Take good care of it–it is my lucky shirt. It is the shirt I was wearing the night we met and the night my life changed forever._

_I love you so much,_

_See you soon my darlin'_

_J_

Bella instantly picked up the shirt and clutched it in her hands. She brought it to her face, closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She could still smell his scent embedded in the fabric. She lifted her own shirt over her head and tossed it on the floor and pulled Jasper's shirt on over her body. Two tears rolled down her cheek and she fell back onto the bed, curling her knees up into her chest and burying her head in Jasper's pillow.

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

Jasper was gone a month on that first mission and it was the longest, worst, month Bella had ever experienced. The first few days she stayed in bed all day until she started getting calls from a couple of publications asking where the stories were that they had hired her to write. She finally forced herself to get up and get dressed and go through the motions. The day he finally walked back through that door, she leapt into his arms and wept. They made love until they were exhausted and stayed in bed for a whole day. But he wasn't home long before he had to leave again…and again and again. She soon accepted, reluctantly, that this was going to be their life. To say she got used to it sounds calloused but it was what she had to do. She realized she couldn't go catatonic and put her life on hold every time he was gone.

As the years went on, however, the "routine" started to wear on her…or actually maybe it was the lack of "routine" in their lives. The call often came at any hour of the day or night. Sometimes he had twenty-four or forty-eight hours notice. More often than not, he had to leave at a moment's notice. And of course she was never allowed to know where he was going or when he would get back. They were usually not allowed any contact while he was gone, and the loneliness and the constant absences began to take a toll on them, especially during the past year and a half. She resented the Army for taking him away so often, for the constant disruption of their lives. She resented him for going. She knew this was his job and that this is what she signed on for the minute she agreed to be his wife. But she was never prepared for how much he would really be gone and after a while it became hard to continue to plaster on a smile and be the patient, dutiful wife. She still loved him, that never changed…she just didn't love what their life had become.

Jasper agonized over her pain and frustration. Whenever she would voice those frustrations (and usually quite loudly) he usually clammed up and became silent, letting her get it all out. He didn't have an answer so he just tried to take and absorb her feelings and her words… but it hurt. It hurt to know he was doing this to her and to them. There was nothing he could do–this was his job, his duty. He had to go when called. He didn't have a choice. All he could do was leave her something behind when he left–usually a note, sometimes a small gift–to try and show how much he loved her and missed her when he was gone. A reminder to let her know that being away from her pained him as much as it did her. The items he would leave behind were reassuring to her. She felt guilty when she would get angry with him. She never doubted his love for her and even though they had been together for almost ten years now, the fire and passion and love between them never abated. It was as strong as it was that first night they met. It was just frustrating that he had to put the Army above her and everything else. When they called he went running, no matter time or place.

To add to their problems, Jasper had also begun to hint about having children and it became another thing they disagreed about. She refused to bring a child into this kind of life. During one of their most heated debates on the topic, she spat at him, _"Why would I want to bring a child into our lives when his father will never be there to raise him?"_ He blanched and his face turned white. His eyes were the saddest she'd ever seen them and his face was twisted with the cut of her words. She immediately regretted what she said and apologized, but he just walked out of the room. She heard the door slam as he left the house for a while. It hurt him so deeply because he knew she only spoke the truth. Again, he had no answer for her…he didn't have the choice to stay, to not go when called.

She was devastated that she felt this way, and it killed her to know that she was hurting him. Whenever they had a get-together with some of his buddies' families in his unit, she watched him as he would tease and play with the other men's kids–chasing them, grabbing them and tossing them in the air, making them giggle and laugh and showering them with attention. Her heart would ache as she watched him, so happy, so good with the kids. She knew he would be a wonderful father, and she imagined herself going to him and saying, "_yes, let's have a child_." But all she could think about was that beautiful, innocent child constantly asking her, _"Where's Daddy? When's Daddy coming home?"…_and having to look down into that child's sad eyes and giving him or her another excuse, or another _"I don't know sweetie." _And of course there was always the part she tried not to think about, the part that always lived in the back of her mind, pressed down and buried deep–what about the inevitable day that he didn't come home? What would she tell their child then?

Yep…the fear and worry still lived in her every day, every minute, every second. It got easier, and it became something she didn't obsess over constantly, but it never completely went away. She got used to him being gone, and every time he returned it got a little easier the next time. She began to expect he would come home because he always did. But whenever he was gone longer than he had been the last time and the phone rang or there was a knock on the door…she was always afraid to answer it, afraid of what she would hear.

The past six months had been increasingly difficult. He was gone more often than usual, if that was possible. One night he finally told her they had been laying the groundwork for a particularly dangerous mission, and that he could get a call at anytime. He could be gone quite a while this time, maybe months. She threw the dish she'd been holding into the sink and it shattered. They began to argue…again. She knew she shouldn't, but she really was beginning to question how much more of this she could take. It seemed like all she was anymore was frustrated and angry. After that very fist mission, she always hid her fear about him never coming home, but she was at the edge of her rope and she let it all out, spilling everything.

"_Dammit Jasper…"_

He sighed in frustration._ "Babe, you know I have to go…"_

"_Well I don't know how much more of this I can take! You're gone more than you're here, you might as well just be my houseguest, my roommate. I don't feel like we're married anymore." _

He paled_. "Bella…you don't mean that…"_ his voice was quiet and she could hear the anguish in it. No, deep down she didn't really mean it, at least she didn't think so…but she couldn't make herself stop.

"_No, I think I do this time Jasper! I have put so much time, so much energy, so many years into this…You're constantly gone, with no notice. I never know where or for how long. You love the Army, you're happy to go off and do your maneuvers and shoot your guns and get the bad guys…but do you really know what it's been like for me? Every time you walk out that door, for every minute, every goddamn second that you're gone, I hold my breath until you come home again. I jump every time there's a knock at the door or every time the phone rings, so sure that it's going to be someone telling me you're not coming home this time!" _Her voice started to break a little._ "Because I know you think you're invincible… but it's going to happen one day Jasper…I know it. And I think I'm getting tired of sitting around and waiting for it."_

Her words cut savagely through every part of him. He felt the pain as if she had literally stabbed him in the heart. He had no words of comfort; he didn't know how to ease her mind this time. He was scared and saddened and all he could do is look at her, tears forming in his eyes.

The silence hung thick in the air between them as they stared at each other. She saw the agony in his eyes and she knew she should take everything back she just said…but she couldn't.

"_I'm sorry Bella…I'm so…sorry."_ His voice was a hoarse whisper. And then he turned and walked away. She turned back toward the sink and sobbed quietly, gripping the edge of the sink for dear life.

That night they lay in bed, not touching, each facing away from each other in the darkness. She felt horrible for what she'd said…but it was something that she'd needed to say for so long. "_I don't know how much more of this I can take"–_until she'd actually spoken those words, she didn't realize how much she had been thinking them. Did she really mean them? She honestly didn't know. She did know she still loved Jasper, she always would, that wasn't the issue. She needed him to know that much. But he hadn't said a word all night. And frankly she thought she had said enough. But their love never really needed words; it was the one constant between them that never faltered, never waned even after all these years.

She could tell from his breathing that Jasper wasn't asleep either. She turned toward him… he was sleeping on his back. She moved closer to him under the covers and straddled him with her whole body. He didn't move a muscle, just turned his head away. She grasped his face in her hands and turned it back towards her in the darkness. As she touched her lips to his she felt the familiar jolt, the electricity, the spark. It sent shivers down her whole body and she immediately moved her lips against his more hungrily, more insistently. Their lips parted and their tongues collided and the kiss grew deeper and more heated. He reached up and gripped her hair, harder than normal. Their hands started roaming over each other's bodies, frantic and needy, their hearts racing and their breathing coming hard and fast. They were a tangle of limbs, tearing their clothes off, desperate to feel skin on skin. Every kiss, every touch burned all the way to their souls and they gripped each other tightly, painfully. Jasper took one of her nipples in his mouth roughly, sucking and biting until it was achingly hard. She arched into him and moaned at the feeling that radiated in waves throughout her body and down to her stomach. As he performed the same action on her other nipple, she moaned again, pressing her hips into his, feeling his hard cock, coating it with her dripping wetness. She started moving back and forth, gripping his hips with her thighs and he threw his head back with a loud groan. Then he grabbed her roughly and flipped her over, pressing her body hard into the mattress, and devouring her lips with his. He pushed her legs apart and thrust himself into her, swiftly and urgently. She broke their kiss in a loud moan and her body involuntarily arched up to meet his. She wrapped her legs around him as tightly as she could, pushing him into her deeper and harder with every stroke. Her hands were everywhere, gripping his hair, clutching his shoulders and his back. He was leaning on his forearms, slamming into her, every stroke full of his desperate need for her. They still didn't speak, the air heavy only with the sounds of the bed creaking under them and their moans and their breathing and their slick skin sliding against each other. He felt so good moving in and out of her, every nerve ending sizzling like a live electric wire. Her whole body shook as she felt the pressure building, her muscles clenching until finally she came, hard and wet around him, bending deeply into him, screaming out his name. He continued pounding into her, a few more strokes and then she could feel him jerking hard and fast inside of her and he cried out, pouring himself into her.

He didn't move, staying inside of her. They pressed their foreheads together while their breathing slowly quieted. She caressed his face with her hands, gently, and he leaned into her but kept his eyes closed. He finally pulled out of her and lay beside her. She curled her body around his, not wanting to lose contact yet. She didn't know what tomorrow would bring but for now this was all they needed.

Bella was exhausted–from their previous argument, from the tension between them, and from their physical, emotional lovemaking. So when Jasper's phone buzzed she didn't hear it. The sound of his voice and sounds of movement in the room slowly started to filter through her groggy consciousness and by the time she was fully awake, all she heard was the front door closing, and then…the house was silent again. She didn't bother to get up, she knew he was gone. She stretched her arm out and ran her hand up and down his side of the bed, still warm from his body.

Bella stared into the empty box…hoping if she stared long enough another note would appear. The last morning he left she tore the house apart…but he had left no note this time. It crushed her and she collapsed on the living room floor drowning in fear and tears. She knew after the words she had said to him, she shouldn't expect a note this time. But it just felt wrong…his notes had become a lifeline for her. She would keep them on the nightstand next to her bed every night until he came home. Just seeing them, touching the physical paper, running her fingers over his writing made her feel closer to him. She always told him how much she loved his notes but she didn't think she had ever really conveyed how much she needed them. Jasper had always seemed to know exactly what she needed–just the right touch or look from him could instantly calm her, steady her, heal her. He had always been so intuitive…maybe he knew how much she relied on those notes; maybe that's why he left them. She tried to be rational and realize that he had left so quickly this morning that he probably didn't have time. But…could it also mean he had given up on her? Did he think she didn't need one this time? The last thought broke her apart, opening a deep, burning hole in her chest.

A month after he left she woke up nauseous and spent most of the morning in and out of the bathroom. She thought she must have ate something bad or caught a bug…but after a week of the same thing, day after day after day, it finally sunk in that she wasn't sick. She stared in shock at the little pink line for what seemed like forever. _No wonder he hadn't left a note, he left something else of himself instead_. She laughed hysterically at that thought, laughed until there were tears flowing from her eyes. But they were truly tears of joy this time. Despite her many protestations to Jasper, she really couldn't wait to have a baby with him. If only their life were different, she would have gladly given him a child long before now. God, she missed him…she was practically bursting out of her skin wishing she could talk to him, tell him he was going to be a father. He would be so over the moon. She could picture the look of exuberant joy on his face, his smile so huge. _Oh please my darling Jasper…come home soon…we need you, _she whispered in silent prayer_._

Two months later, the phone rang and she heard the words she had feared for so long. "_We regret to inform you…a failure in the mission…injuries and casualties…" _She found it hard to concentrate on the words.

Because of the classified nature of the mission they could not reveal any more information to her. Bella threw the phone across the room and collapsed sobbing on the floor. _Bastards!_ They couldn't even tell her whether her husband was dead or alive. The plane bringing the men home would arrive at noon tomorrow and she was supposed to show up at a secure building on the base to find out if her husband walked off the plane in the flesh…or was carried off in a box. She screamed and cursed and beat her fists against the arm of the sofa until her body had had no more energy and her tears ran dry.

She lay there curled up on the floor for hours and hours. She never slept. She couldn't sleep–every time she closed her eyes she saw his face.

At some point, on autopilot, she somehow knew to get up and shower and change. She knew she needed to eat, for the baby's sake but she couldn't keep anything down and it wasn't morning sickness this time. She tried to busy herself but her mind couldn't focus. She opened the closet door in their bedroom to put something away and saw his clothes, smelled his lingering scent…her hand started shaking and she slammed the door shut.

The minutes, the hours crawled by. Somewhere inside her a little voice finally began to tell her to calm down, that she shouldn't think the worst. Nothing was confirmed, he could be fine.

And so, needing comfort and trying to keep from going crazy was how she now found herself sitting on the floor with her box of notes. She read each note one by one by one…reviewing their life together and the words of the man that loved her so.

Finally the sound of her phone alarm went off and her body went cold. It was time–time to go meet her future.

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

She arrived at his unit's headquarters and paused to collect herself before reaching out to open the door. Her hands were trembling. She gave her name. She walked through the metal detector. The army guards checked her purse. All routine procedures–everyone doing their job as if it was just another day for them. Meanwhile she wished desperately that it was just another day for her.

When she had passed the security checks and had a cold plastic visitor's badge clipped to her shirt, another guard escorted her to her waiting room. Her legs felt like lead as they walked down endless dark-grey lifeless corridors, the only noise the sound of the soles of her shoes echoing off the walls. She felt like a prisoner being led off to the electric chair.

Finally she was shown into a long narrow room that was bare except for a plain metal table, two chairs and one tiny window. The guard explained that the plane would arrive shortly but that she must remain here. Not trusting her voice at all she simply nodded to show she understood. For privacy they were keeping the individual families separated, hence the private room.

There was a clock on the wall and it's tick, tick, tick reverberated through the silent room. If she concentrated on it, it just seemed to get louder and louder. She tried to distract herself. She paced around the room. She sat in one of the chairs. She paced again. It felt like she had been trapped in this room for hours but in reality it had only been about thirty minutes.

Finally she heard the loud roar of the engines and the shake of the building as the plane landed on the runway outside. Her heart plummeted to the bottom of her chest. She broke out in a cold sweat and she gripped the table edge so hard her knuckles were more than white–the skin was stretched so tight it looked like the bone was breaking through. More seconds passed and she finally willed herself to get up and try to see out the window. She stretched up on her tiptoes just in time to see several soldiers in fatigues unloading two flag-draped coffins. Her already wobbly legs turned to jelly and she slid to the floor, clutching the wall and crying out in anguished, gut wrenching sobs. She stayed there, on her knees, feeling the cold hard floor beneath her, leaning against the rough gray brick of the wall. Silently screaming and praying all at once–_NO, no, no, no, no, please God, please, no…no…_

As if the waiting wasn't tortuous enough, she could hear the families in the other rooms…boisterous screams of joy and love for their soldier who had come home. Then silence. And then the anguished shrieks and cries of another family whose soldier would never come home again. She closed her eyes and put her head in her hands as she kneeled on the floor, just praying and pleading for some news soon. She had to sit through hearing the joyous celebrations and the agony of two more families before there was silence again…silence that was lasting too long. Where was he? Just as her heart felt like it was going to explode, She heard the door open. _Oh God…oh God…_ She was afraid to look up; so afraid of what or who she would see. But she knew she had to…

She heard the heavy boots shuffling into the room as she looked up. _Oh my God._ She almost started hyperventilating, letting out quick shallow breaths. Her hands flew up to her face and more tears started falling. He was limping, and he looked a little thinner. His posture, normally so straight and tall and proud, was slumped, defeated. His beautiful face was hidden under dirt and grime…but it was _him_. Her him. Her Jasper.

For Jasper the floodgates opened when he saw her, the tension and fear from the last forty-eight hours that had been holding his muscles and bones together melted away and he almost collapsed right then. She was the reason he had fought so hard to get home…she _was_ his home.

"_Jasper!"_ she cried as she jumped up and ran the short distance across the room and threw herself into his body. His bags dropped from his hands where he was standing, as he reached to embrace her.

"_Bella…"_ His voice was quiet, hoarse and broken. His legs gave way as she flew into him and they both slumped to their knees, holding onto each other for dear life. There were no words yet, both of them just wanting to cling as tightly as they could to each other. Bella clutched him so hard; she could feel her nails digging into the coarse fabric of his fatigues. She felt the weight of him sinking into her and then she felt him shaking with sobs. The euphoria of having him home and alive began to change as she soon realized he wasn't the same Jasper she usually welcomed home. He was more battered…and broken this time. She suddenly knew it was her time to be strong for him, to comfort him as he had for her all these years. Tears pricked her eyelids as she rubbed her hands up and down his back, whispering softly in his ear. _"It's okay baby…everything's going to be okay now…"_

She leaned out of his embrace to look at him. His head was still bowed, the sobs quieting. She cradled his head in her hands and gently tugged his head up to look at her. His wet shiny eyes were not the usual bright blue, they were dull and tired and haunted. She swiped at his tears with her thumbs and rubbed soothing circles on his cheeks.

"_I was so scared I was never going to see you again…"_ Her voice choked up but she continued. _"Thank you…thank you for coming home to me."_

"_Bella, nothing…nothing will ever keep me…" _He had to pause for a second because his voice was so dry and he was so overcome with emotion he struggled to get the words out._ "I promised you… no matter what I have to do…I will always come home to you."_

They pressed their foreheads together, still holding each other, never wanting to let go, ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N:** To everyone who has had this on alert from the A/N chapter I posted, I'm so sorry it has taken this long to get this written and posted. Even though I always knew what Jasper's side of the story would be, I got caught up in updating and writing for my other stories and I just let this one simmer on the back burner. Anyway here it finally is, and this completes their story. I won't issue a "tissue alert," but if the first chapter affected you, this one may too. :)_

_All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners.(SM) The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization._

_DISCLAIMER: Again, not all military info may be "technically" correct. Thanks to beegurl13 for help with some of the sonogram info._

* * *

_Beep … beep … beep … _

As he sat on the hard plastic chair in the sterile white hallway, the monotonous beeping from a monitor in a nearby room echoed on and on and on … beating its way into his brain, getting louder and louder each time. A chill shuddered through his body and sweat broke out on his skin. He clenched his fists to try and stop the shaking, and he tried to take in slow, deep, even breaths, as the doc had taught him. It was useless this time though, as he closed his eyes he saw it all again, seared on the inside of his eyelids just like he was right there again.

_The loud beeping alerting them that they had tripped a hidden bomb … chaos then … footsteps scrambling. The deep voices of his men yelling every expletive in the book and urges to "move" "retreat" … and a "get the fuck out of here" that he recognizes as his buddy Peter. Next the horrendous boom … the red orange glow of fire everywhere … fires of hell … something slamming into him with the force of a Mack truck. The fuzzy feeling in his brain … trying to keep his eyes open … a dense cloud of dust enveloping him … pinpricks all over his body as debris rains down on him … and the acrid burning odor filling his nose and his lungs right before the darkness overtakes him._

His eyes flew open as the images finally stopped. He was panting and rivulets of sweat trickled down from his brow. He unclenched his fists and rubbed his hands furiously over his face, wiping the sweat away, angry and ashamed all at the same time. It had been six months; he had made such progress—the flashbacks hardly came at all anymore. The doc had taught him that he couldn't control external triggers (like the beeping monitor) but he could learn to control his reactions. But Christ, to have one now, at this moment, when _they_ needed him to be strong … he just felt selfish and weak. His mental state was exhausted though and that's when the memories usually got through. It was too much … it was all just too much for him to take right now ….

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

The bomb blast had only knocked Jasper out for a few minutes. As he came to, there was smoke and voices everywhere. He tried to raise his upper body and his head started pounding. His left leg felt wet and pain radiated up to his hip with even the slightest movement. He could feel the heat of the fire getting closer. He laid his head back down, feeling groggy again and his eyes grew so heavy. As his eyelids closed and he felt himself sinking into darkness, he saw his wife's beautiful face. She was smiling … and then suddenly her face changed. She was crying. She reached her arms out to him … _Jasper … get up my darling … please … come home … come home to me … _

"_Bella …" _her name fell quietly from his lips. He kept repeating it in reply to her voice that he kept hearing in his head. Suddenly pain ripped through his chest but it was not an injury from the blast. His eyes flew open and he called her name out again, stronger, louder this time …_"Bella …."_

He couldn't do this to her, he'd promised—this would destroy her ….

He sat back up ignoring the thumping and throbbing in his head and pushed himself up to his knees. He grimaced at the pain in his leg but he fought through it. As he tried to step up on that leg though, it buckled and he screamed out in pain, doubling over and kneeling on his good leg. His scream was just loud enough to alert one of his men. _"Sergeant Whitlock! Hold on sir … McCarty get over here!" _The next thing he knew Specialists Black and McCarty had pulled him up, and half-carried, half-drug him out of the pit of hell that was still burning. There must have been some sort of undetectable accelerant sprayed around by whomever had set the bomb because fire was tearing through the building fast. As his men set him down on the ground Jasper looked back to see the fire fully engulfing the place he had just been mere minutes ago. In fact, it barely resembled a building anymore, it was now just one big fireball.

Everything happened quickly after that. His group was whisked off to an army medical hospital for emergency treatment of everyone's various injuries. Jasper's head was slowly starting to clear but he still had to be careful, he had a mild concussion. The Mack truck that he thought had hit him had actually been his own body hitting the hard concrete floor. There were a lot of minor surface cuts and scrapes on his back from pieces of debris and shrapnel. His whole back was practically covered in gauze but the pain was bearable. His leg, however had sustained the worst damage—bigger pieces of shrapnel had embedded themselves fairly deep in some spots. The doctors and nurses made quick work of doing what they could and got him patched up enough to make the plane trip to Germany.

Eventually his commanding officer paid him a visit. They had been on the hunt for one of the deadliest Al Qaeda members and had been given a tip from a trusted informant that he was holed up in a mosque in Mosul. Someone along the line had been given some bad information though or had tipped off the insurgents and the place was booby-trapped. Too late they realized they had been set up as the tripped bomb beeped out its countdown and then exploded. Half of the men were in various states of injury and they had lost two of their brothers. Jasper's stomach turned. He didn't need to hear his C.O. say Peter's name, he knew. Peter had been farther up ahead than Jasper … he would have been in direct line of the worst of the blast. He remembered hearing Peter yell out during all of the commotion, but God, he'd never expected those would be the last words he would ever hear Peter say.

Once his C.O. had moved on to visit the other members of his team, Jasper finally broke down, letting his emotions overtake him. He and Peter had met the first day of their special forces training, and very quickly became best friends. They had gone through everything together … every class, every training mission. They both got their appointments at the same time and to the same team even. And they'd been through every dangerous mission … together. The whole team was a brotherhood, all watching each other's backs. But he and Peter were more; more like real blood brothers. _Dammit! _Jasper screamed in his mind. He had failed Peter. They had been following protocol, advancing slowly and methodically, when one of the other specialists had called Jasper over to look at something suspicious on the floor. The insurgents made bombs out of all kinds of crap; whatever they could get their hands on. Something that looked like a routine everyday object might be used as a catalyst or as something to disguise the real bomb underneath. It turned out to be nothing though, a false alarm. But in the time it had taken Jasper to inspect the object, Peter had continued on and was too far ahead of him. Jasper was trying to catch up to him when the explosion happened.

He should have been there with him, by his side. Maybe he would have seen the bomb before it was tripped, or maybe at least he would have been able to get Peter out of there in time. The pain of grief for Peter hit Jasper deep in the chest and his breathing became so shallow and fast he was almost hyperventilating.

Thinking of how he should have been there to protect Peter caused another sweet voice to pierce through his brain. _"You watch out for him Jasper … please … please take care of my Peter for me." Charlotte … shit … shit, shit, shit … _Jasper punched the mattress of the hospital bed he was on and immediately winced in pain. Oh God, Charlotte … Peter's wife. How the hell was he going to face her? She whispered those words to him whenever he saw her right before one of their missions. And he always promised. Fuck, how was he going to look her in the eye and tell her he had failed? That he hadn't been able to take care of her Peter?

Jasper laid his head back against the pillow, tears streaming down his face now. Thinking about Charlotte made him think of his Bella … _Oh Bella, _he lamented_. _He remembered seeing her when he had been lying in pain on the ground; it was really she who had saved him. She was the one who had given him the strength to get up, to get his ass out of there, to live. She was his whole reason for living, for breathing another day. He couldn't fail his promise to her, he couldn't do that to her. Closing his eyes, he imagined her there, standing next to his bedside, her beautiful brown hair loose and hanging down over her shoulders; her deep brown eyes staring down at him with a gentle smile on her face; her hand reaching out to touch his. He lifted his hand toward her, touching the cold chrome guardrail of his bed instead of her soft skin. God how he wished she were here with him now. He needed her to touch him, to hold him and kiss him. _Bella … _he whispered into the air, the ache in his chest intensifying until he felt like he was being ripped apart.

They only stayed at the medical center in Landstuhl for forty-eight hours, enough time to get everyone further stabilized and stitched up enough to make the plane trip home. Being a top-secret force of the army, they had to be on their way back home as quickly as possible. No one was allowed to know they were here, including their wives and families. Jasper was on edge the whole time, the forty-eight hours feeling more like weeks as the minutes crawled by. He just wanted to get back home to Bella.

He was so focused on getting home and seeing her again, that it wasn't until they were actually airborne and headed back to their base in the States that he let himself remember all that had happened between he and Bella before he left.

_**~ X ~ X ~ **_

They'd had an argument—not a new occurrence, they'd been having them quite frequently in the last year. But this one … this one was different.

She was very angry that he had to leave again. She'd actually uttered the words that she didn't feel like they were married because he was barely there. And that she didn't know if she could do this anymore. Those words had cut through him like a knife slicing open an already festering wound. The pain was unbearable. He hadn't even said much to her in response … he didn't know what to say, so he just turned and walked out. Once he made it to his truck he broke down. He hated that she felt that way and he felt stretched between two opposite directions. He had made a commitment to both of them … and his commitment to the Army kept him from fully fulfilling his commitment to her. He couldn't choose one over the other, not right now. The Army owned him for a few more years at least. And he loved everything about the Army … except what it did to her.

He knew this was a hard life for her. He felt selfish, getting to have both the career he loved _and_ the woman he loved. And he felt guilty, knowing it was his choices that caused her such pain. Whenever he was home he tried so hard to be good to her, to take special care to be there for her and show her how much he loved her … and how much he appreciated her sacrifice. But the one thing she needed the most—him at home—he couldn't give her. This last year, especially, there had been a lot of leaving … and apparently nothing he could do could make up for that fact.

They hadn't said much the rest of the night. He wanted to; hell, he wanted to tell her so many things. But he was afraid it was too late. He'd never heard her sound so frustrated, so … final, before. She surprised him when she came to him in bed that night. He was confused by her actions at first and didn't want to give in. But no matter what had ever been going on between them during the ups and downs of their marriage the one thing that never left them was their physical connection. The electricity between them was so powerful and intense, the slightest caressing touch from her and his body would hum in reaction. He craved her; he needed her.

Their bodies took over and communicated what their words couldn't. And yet … he was still fearful of what he would find when he got home. What if that night wasn't enough? Would she be there waiting for him when he got off the plane? He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, chills washing over him as he thought about her not being there. He didn't know how to live without her. _Please God, please … let her be there._

He rubbed his hands over his face and he caught sight of his wedding band, causing so many memories to flood his brain. The night they first met—God, he'd never met anyone as amazing and beautiful as she was. Figures Edward had met her first. He felt such a sense of loss when they had to say goodnight and she walked off with Edward. He couldn't believe his luck afterward, when Edward gave him her number, basically ceding defeat. They got back to Edward's apartment and he tried not to call her but he was too antsy, his whole body sizzled like a live firecracker someone had just lit. He had never been one of these guys that played games, if he saw a girl he liked he didn't beat around the bush, he went after her.

The next night they went out and he didn't make it back to Edward's until the next morning. He grinned at the memory of that night. He hated having to leave her the next day so hastily. He was not a fuck 'em and leave 'em kind of guy and she was definitely not a girl you left willingly. She had looked so peaceful and adorable sleeping that he hated to wake her … so he woke her just long enough to tell her he had to go and then he left her a note on the bathroom mirror to say all that he really wanted to tell her.

The notes became a tradition, of sorts … so many important moments of their lives, it always seemed like he had to leave quickly. So he continued leaving her notes … when they married, he was in a whirlwind to report to the base to start his training. The night before his first real mission, she had been so scared and frightened. The notes became his way of trying to comfort her, to let her know that even though he was gone, he still loved her and was thinking of her. She always let him know how much she loved his notes but it wasn't until some months ago that he realized how much. He was looking for one of his shoes and pulled the comforter up to check under her side of the bed. There was a small wooden box with an easily opened latch tucked in the corner by the bedpost. He couldn't believe what he saw when he opened it—there were all his letters, well-worn creases betraying the fact that they had been opened and reopened many, many times. He had no idea she had kept them for all these years. His heart swelled with both love and pain—happy to know that these had meant so much to her, but a little sad to think she might be reliving all these moments in their lives that were punctuated by his leaving. In the end he had quietly put them back in their place, never saying a word that he had found them.

But this last time … the call had come sooner than he expected. He was still tired from the argument with Bella and their love-making … he was so focused on getting his stuff together to make to it to the meet-up with the rest of the guys that he was out the door before he realized he'd forgotten a note. He thought about it constantly on the plane ride over to Iraq … after her words, maybe it was for the best, maybe she wouldn't want another note as just another hurtful reminder of him? But what if she took it the other way—what if she thought he was … giving up on them? For every moment he was gone he regretted not taking five minutes to leave her a note.

_**~ X ~ X ~**_

He was brought back to reality by the noise of the plane losing altitude, as they got ready for the descent back to earth and back to base. He started sweating, nervous and anxious about whether she would be there or not. _Stop it, Whitlock! _There was no sensein stewing over it now, they were landing; there were two ways this was going to end and he would have to accept whatever result he found waiting for him. But he knew it would crush him if she wasn't there.

He had made the trip on the plane strapped to a gurney and when they wheeled him off the plane he immediately started to move. One of the doctors and a couple of his guys tried to stop him.

"_Whoa, Sergeant, just where do you think you're going?"_ said the doctor as he rushed over.

"_I … am … going … to … see … my … wife."_ He forced the words out through gritted teeth, trying to move through the pain.

"_Oh no you're not, you are not going anywhere on that leg."_

"_The. Hell. I'm. Not! McCarty!! Black! Get over here!" _

He didn't give a rat's ass about the pain he was in right now. If there was any chance that she was waiting for him, there was no way he was not walking upright through that door. He didn't want her to be scared or think that he was more injured than he was. They could fix him up later.

As the two men hurried over, he told them to help him walk over to the door.

They looked nervously at the doctor. _"Um … Sir, are you sure Sir?"_ McCarty spoke hesitantly.

"_Yes I'm sure! I'm still your superior and I just gave you an order! Now move it!"_

The doctor intervened again, however, and finally forced Jasper to at least use a wheelchair instead of walking the entire way.

Unfortunately it took them a while to retrieve another wheel chair and Jasper was helpless to do anything but sit there and wait_. Crap … She must be out of her mind by now_ … he thought. _He_ was out of his mind. He just wanted to get to her, to see her, to hold her … to let her know he was alive. Because of the delay he had to sit and watch the coffins being loaded off the plane. _Dammit! _His mind immediately went to Charlotte. She would be waiting behind one of these doors and she was going to be devastated. He should go to her; he should be the one to tell her. But there was protocol. An officer and a chaplain would be sent to tell her, though she wouldn't need their words—she would know as soon as two strange men walked in through that door instead of her husband. And besides, Jasper was hardly in any position to just get up and go find her. Tears sprung to his eyes and he quickly brushed them away.

It felt like hours but it was only minutes before one of the guys reappeared with a wheelchair. He was lifted into it and McCarty and the doctor wheeled him over, stopping in front of one of the building's doors. His heart was pounding in his chest. He took a deep breath and, gripping the sides of the chair, stood up. His leg started to buckle under him and it took everything he had to not scream out in pain. It took him a few tries until he figured out how to lean all of his weight on his good leg long enough to shuffle a few steps forward. All he had to do was get through the doorway. All he had to do was see _her_.

It all happened so quickly. He opened the door and walked through … and there she was, crumpled on the floor crying. _Oh thank God, she's here. She hasn't given up … _

And then she was in his arms, and he completely fell apart. His leg crumpled under him and he broke down in tears, exhausted and overwhelmed. He felt her comforting arms around him, soothing him. He smelled her intoxicating scent of strawberries and flowers and he felt her warm body against his, her heart beating as rapidly as his. He had always been the one to comfort her and to take care of her … but this time it was he who needed her. He had nothing left.

_**~ X ~ X ~**_

They hadn't had much more time alone after that. McCarty and Black and the doctor put him back on a gurney and took him straight to the base hospital.

There were tests and lots of pain medications; two days later one of the specialists in leg injuries came in to give him the news. There was severe nerve and tissue damage to his leg. He would need surgery and then weeks, if not months, of physical therapy.

"_Months? You mean I could be away from active duty for months?"_ Jasper swore harshly. _"Well let's get things moving then, how soon can we do the surgery?" _

Dr. Jenks closed Jasper's chart and sighed as he looked him in the eye. _"The surgery's already scheduled for tomorrow. And I know you will work hard at your physical therapy. __But I have to warn you Jasper; you may never get the leg back to one hundred percent of where it was before. You have to prepare yourself that you may not be able to return to active duty."_

The doctor left the room and Jasper stared blankly off into space after that, unable to wrap his mind around the doctor's words. So much had just happened, he was still reeling from it all. Five days ago he had been in a mosque in Iraq, and today he was trapped in a hospital bed, scarred and broken, with a leg that might never work right again. Everything that had happened in between—the explosion, the fire, Peter, plane trips, hospitals—felt like a whirlwind blur. It sounded strange, but he was comfortable in Iraq; he had his training and his instincts to fall back on, his men to watch his back and vise versa. As a trained soldier, after a while you became acclimated to your situation, you knew what to expect. But this … nothing had prepared him for this. The Army was all he had ever known, all he had ever dreamed of, and all he had ever wanted … and in five short days, it may have all been taken away from him.

"_Jasper."_ He heard her soft voice from across the room. She had been waiting patiently off to the side, listening to the doctor talk with Jasper. She walked over silently and placed her hand on his, wrapping her fingers around his and squeezing gently.

"_Jasper … look at me." _Her other hand reached out and nudged his jaw and he forced his eyes reluctantly towards hers.

"_Jasper, you're going to be okay. You are strong and you are going to fight back from this, baby. You'll be back to normal before you know it. You can't concentrate on the 'maybes.'"_ Her eyes were shiny and wet, as she stroked his cheek, hoping that her words registered with him.

"_Bella …."_ Her name was all he could choke out, as he broke down. Bella climbed into bed with him, wrapping her arms around him, tucking his head against her chest and comforting him as only she could. They laid that way all night, silently clinging to each other until they both drifted off to a restless sleep.

The next few days were the roughest. The surgery was a success but Jasper was going to have a long road ahead of him. He spent the first couple days in a haze of pain meds and by the third day they started him with some very light physical therapy. He could barely lift his leg an inch off the bed without severe pain.

A week after his surgery Charlotte finally stopped by, and they wept in their grief over Peter. Jasper kept apologizing and Charlotte shushed him, swearing to him that she didn't hold him responsible. Her dull eyes and haggard face haunted him though and he often woke up from horrible nightmares of Peter's body burning in the fire, morphing into the agonizing pain on Charlotte's face. He felt overwhelming grief—grief that he hadn't been able to help Peter and grief that now he couldn't help Charlotte either, because he was stuck in this damn bed. And he missed his friend; there was an empty space in his life now, one that would not be easily filled, if ever.

Another week and a half went by. Jasper's life had become a regular routine of breakfast, meds, physical therapy, lunch, another round of PT in the afternoon, sometimes a session with the hospital psychiatrist, dinner, a bath and then sleep. His sleep was fitful because of the nightmares, often leaving him exhausted for the next day, which affected how much physical therapy he could do. The progress of his leg was slow and no matter how encouraging the doctors and the therapists and Bella tried to be, he was still frustrated. They all kept telling him that it was going to take time, that he was expecting too much, but he shut their words out.

He was tired, he was sore, he was dealing with the nightmares and flashbacks and it was all too much. Depression and disillusionment started to set in. He probably wasn't going to be able to go back to active duty anyway so why even bother busting his butt at the physical therapy?

Through it all, Bella was there … every day. She'd been there almost round the clock in the beginning and then after the surgery when they settled him into his routine, she usually would come by in the late afternoon, staying through dinner and until visiting hours were over. She was the one bright spot in his day, the one thing he did look forward to. But even with her it was hard for him to feel fully engaged. She would talk about what was going on around the base, the other wives and soldiers she'd run into and how they asked about him and how he was doing. She talked about her work projects. She'd ask him how he was feeling, or how therapy went but he was always short with her. He didn't want to talk or think about any of it. Many times, during a quiet moment, she looked pensive, like she wanted to say something but didn't have the words, or had thought better about saying whatever it was that she wanted to say. Her eyes often looked tired and sometimes she would doze off in the chair while she was there, but most of the time she was positively glowing. Which only made Jasper sink into his pit of despair even more … apparently his being in the hospital and out of her hair was having some kind of positive effect on her. They had never talked about that last day before he left. Once the emotional part of his homecoming was over, she was back in the routine of being his wife and never once mentioned the argument they'd had. She had talked like she wanted out of the marriage … so did she still feel that way? Was that what she's been trying to tell him? Was she just sticking it out with him out of pity because he was injured and once he was better, she would leave? He knew they needed to talk but he was too scared. She was the one thing holding him together and if he lost her he would completely fall apart.

For Bella, it was so hard seeing him this way. He had always been the strong one in their relationship, the positive one. She knew he had been through a traumatic, horrible experience and that it was disappointing and devastating for him to be laid up and immobile, unable to do the things he wanted to do. And she knew he was becoming frustrated with the slow healing progress, even though the doctors and therapists all said he was right on target. She could see his strong will slowly slipping away, day by day. She thanked God every day that he had made it back to her, but he was not the same man who left her all those months ago. The light in his eyes was gone and she was afraid she was never going to see it again.

She still hadn't told him about the baby. Every time she tried to bring it up she'd lose her nerve. He was already dealing with so much … before she would have had no hesitation in telling him; she knew how overjoyed he would be. But now … she wasn't sure how he was going to feel about a child. Would it just be one more burden to him?

The days were beginning to drag and he seemed to be sinking deeper and deeper. She was afraid if she didn't find some way to shake him up, some way to find the old Jasper soon … it might be too late.

He had just finished his morning PT and was back in his room resting when Bella walked in. He should have been happy but it only made him uneasy. Something was wrong—she never came by in the mornings.

She smiled and walked over and kissed him, asking how he was doing today. He answered her but wasn't in the mood for chitchat. She was obviously here for a reason and he wanted to know … maybe this was the day, the day she was finally going to tell him she was leaving.

"_Baby why are you here so early?"_ He could feel his heart beating faster, anxious for her response.

"_I'll explain that later, first I have something for you."_ She handed him a small flat box with two ribbons wrapped around it, one pink and one blue. He gave her a confused look and simply slipped the ribbons off without paying much attention to their color. He took off the lid of the box and pulled away some tissue paper to reveal … a photo? He flipped it over but the back was blank. It was definitely photographic paper but the picture was all black with some blurry white blobs. He turned it upside down to see if it made more sense but it didn't. Bella laughed at him then and when he looked up at her she had tears in her eyes.

"_I know it doesn't look like much … yet."_ She took a deep breath and took one of his hands in hers. _"The doctor took that just a few days before you got home. It's a sonogram … of our baby."_

Her quiet words echoed in the room and while they sunk into his brain he stared at the picture again. Those white blobs … were their _baby_?

When he didn't say anything, Bella spoke again, her voice more strained and anxious this time.

"_Jasper, I know this is probably the last thing you need right now, I know you're dealing with a lot right now, and I know you're having trouble grasping what your life has become at the moment. But please, baby … please don't give up, please fight to get better. I don't care if you are able to go back to the Army or not, and our baby won't either. But we need __you__."_

He looked back at her and her lip was starting to quiver.

"_The reason I'm here is because I have an appointment with Dr. Rodriguez upstairs. The equipment wasn't working right when she did that sonogram and we couldn't hear the heartbeat, so she's going to do another one today. I thought maybe … I was hoping you would like to come along?"_

Jasper's mouth gaped open and tears started to well up. She was still holding his hand and he gripped it back tightly. He couldn't move much so he pulled on her arm.

"_Come here darlin'."_ She climbed up into the bed with him and he crushed her to his body, both of them crying. His heart leapt with joy but then plummeted again. He still needed to know one thing.

He shifted a little and she leaned up to look at him. _"Bella, you've never said a word about … we've never talked about … that last day. I wasn't sure you were even going to be here when I got home, and then you were but … I need to know your real feelings. I don't want you feeling obligated to stay with me because I'm injured or because we're having a baby."_

It was all he could do to get the words out and there was heaviness in his chest as he waited desperately for her answer.

Her face crinkled into a frown and more tears flowed. _"Oh my God, Jasper … I am so sorry for everything I said that day!" _She bowed her head; _"You don't know how much I've kicked myself since then. Especially when … when I didn't know … if you … were okay." _The last two words were barely audible as she swallowed hard, struggling to keep herself composed before looking him directly in the eye.

"_Every day I've wished I could take those words back. But honestly … I can't promise there won't be more moments of frustration like that one. I __hate__ that you have to be gone so much. You know that, you know I will always struggle with that and I won't pretend otherwise. But please, baby … __please__ know that I love you. I have always loved you Jasper Whitlock … and I always will. I never really wanted to leave you. If I did you might as well rip my heart out, because I don't think I could live without you."_

Now his face crumpled and he pulled her to him, whispering in her ear between tears. _"Oh baby … you don't know how it feels to hear you say that. __You__ were the one who gave me the strength to get out of ...."_ He swallowed hard, trying to get the words out. _" … that place. You were all I thought about the whole time, and all the way home to the states. I was so terrified you wouldn't be here when I walked off that plane, that maybe I'd truly lost you for good this time. I couldn't live, I couldn't __breathe__ if I didn't have you."_

They pulled apart and stared at each other, both of their faces a soggy mess. She let out a half-sob, half-laugh as she reached up with her hand to wipe the tears from his face. _"I'm sorry … "_

He reached up and stopped her hand with his. _"No more sorrys. It's all done with now."_ And then his face broke out in the biggest, widest grin she thought she'd ever seen on him.

"_We're having a baby,"_ he whispered.

She smiled lovingly back at him. _"Yes."_

He pressed his forehead to hers.

"_We're having a __baby.__"_ And then he whipped his head back and let out a booming _"yee-haw!"_ for the whole hospital to hear. She cringed away from him, laughing hysterically. Several nurses walking by in the hallway stopped to look into his room in alarm.

He just looked up at them, still grinning goofily from ear to ear. _"We're having a baby!"_

They tittered at him and murmured congratulations before continuing on their way.

Immediately he started peppering Bella with a flurry of questions, wanting to know everything—was she doing okay, how was she feeling, what had the doctor said, was the baby okay ….

She breathlessly answered his questions as fast as she could. Yes she had some morning sickness, but that was starting to lessen, so yes she felt fine. Yes the doctor said the baby was fine.

It wasn't long before one of the orderlies came by as Bella had requested, to help get Jasper into his wheelchair so that he could go upstairs with Bella to her appointment.

Jasper was as excited and fidgety as a kid on Christmas morning, but finally the doctor came in. She welcomed Jasper back and they made small talk. Jasper had a million questions for her, and Bella finally broke in and apologized to the doctor but she just smiled and took it in stride, explaining that it was always wonderful to see such an excited expectant father as Jasper.

The doctor had some questions for Bella, checking in to see how she was feeling, if there was any pain or anything unusual. Finally she pulled over the sonogram equipment and messed with some knobs and switches. She turned back to Bella and applied the cold gel onto her slightly bulging abdomen.

And suddenly there it was … Jasper could barely make out what he was seeing at first but soon he could see their baby taking form—the tiny head and the even tinier feet and hands and heart. He just held on to Bella's hand and stared at the picture on the monitor in awe.

Next the doctor flipped another switch and a loud and fast _whoosh-whoosh-whoosh _sound filled the room. Jasper's eyes bugged out as he looked at the doctor.

Dr. Rodriguez grinned at him. _"Yep, That's your baby's heartbeat. Very steady and strong. That's one healthy little guy or gal you've got there."_

Jasper's head whipped around to look at Bella, his eyes still wide. She smiled up at him, in wonder and amazement herself, tears starting to form again.

As they stared happily at each other, a million thoughts were racing through Jasper's head. _A baby … they were really having a baby_. He was still in shock and giddy with joy. Again, his whole world was shifting. In the space of barely more than an hour his whole life had changed again. He had purpose now—two important purposes, his wife and his child—to live for now, to be strong for now, to get better for now. _We need you, _Bella's words echoed in his mind. _I'm here,_ he answered back silently. He would always be here for them, no matter what it took. Suddenly it didn't matter so much anymore whether he would be able to go back into the field or not, or what the rest of his Army career would entail—all that mattered, all that was important, was right here in this room.

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

Unable to take the damned sitting and waiting anymore, Jasper jumped up and shuffled down the hall. He wanted to leave the hospital completely, he needed to feel the cool breeze on his skin, he needed to breathe some fresh air into his lungs. But he couldn't leave. As he turned the corner he saw two doors and the sign, "Chapel." He stopped. He fidgeted and almost turned back around and then on second thought decided to go in. He hadn't stepped foot inside a church in years. Growing up, he had to go to Church every Sunday whether he wanted to or not. His momma had strong faith in God and miracles. If she were here this would have been the first place she went, sure that God could fix everything.

The room was empty, still and eerily quiet. Well at least he could be alone in here and away from all the loud hustle and bustle of the rest of the hospital. He stood uncomfortably for a bit, then finally sat down in the last pew.

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

After the day that he heard his baby's heartbeat, Jasper tried to turn all that he could around. He pushed himself hard in physical therapy and after a month he was able to get around on crutches, enough so that he was discharged from the hospital and allowed to go home. Between physical therapy appointments and appointments with the psychiatrist, it felt like he was still back at the hospital almost every day, but at least at the end of those days he got to go home. He was able to sleep with his beautiful wife and their growing child beside him.

Well when he was able to sleep that is. He often woke up from nightmares and flashbacks about everything that had happened. The nightmares were murky flashes but he always woke covered in sweat, with an intense feeling of foreboding. He tried not to, but his thrashing usually woke Bella up and she would hold him or rock him until his breathing calmed. He felt awful. Now, when she needed her rest more than ever, he was disrupting her sleep. Many a day he would look at her and he could see the fatigue in her face and a heavy guilt would settle over him.

The flashbacks though were the scariest. He had no control when one of those would come. They were usually triggered by something, a sound, an image—sometimes the smallest thing would set him off . The first time Bella witnessed one, the frightened look on her face and the tears in her eyes broke his heart.

He hated that not only did she have to go through all this crap with him, but that she was taking care of him. She kept telling him it didn't matter; the most important thing was that he was here. That was all she wanted.

But he was used to being the one to take care of her and lavish all his attention on her when he was home, to make up for all the times when he was gone. And now, of all times that he should be taking care of her, he couldn't. He couldn't run out to the store at midnight when she had a craving. He couldn't help her get the nursery together. He tried to put the crib together and got so frustrated with his limited mobility that he almost destroyed the whole damn thing.

Talking with Doc Stevens, his psych therapist, helped him some in dealing with a lot of these feelings. He missed Peter though. They had been there for each other through so much … he was the one Jasper always turned to when he needed to talk to someone. And now he was gone. One day the doc told him to talk to Peter if he needed to. Jasper thought he was crazy at first, but he told Jasper to just "talk" to Peter as if he was really there. He told him it might help him unburden himself of some of the guilt that was blocking him, mentally and emotionally.

On the way home that day, Jasper stopped the truck at an isolated park. Everything came pouring out as he broke down, finally "speaking" to Peter in his mind, telling him everything. He apologized for not being able to save him, he told him how much he missed him, he told him about his recovery and his fears about not being able to stay in the Army.

When he finally was done, he felt exhausted and drained … but lighter. And then Peter's favorite song randomly came on the radio and Jasper couldn't help but laugh out loud. It was if Peter was answering him, telling him he was still there, and that everything was going to be okay. Sitting there listening to the song, a smile still on his face, he realized he had one more thing to tell Peter.

_Hey Peter, man … guess what? Bella's pregnant! Yep, I'm going to be a daddy, can you believe that? _Jasper's smile faded a little. _I don't know what I'm going to do without your advice to help me out. _But in his heart he knew what Peter would tell him … _Just spoil em' and enjoy the ride … now get on home and take care of your wife._

Jasper chuckled and wiped his eyes, _Yes, sir,_ he answered, as he started the truck back up and headed home.

Every week that passed made Jasper work even harder and his PT often had to slow him down or make him stop before he did more harm than good. But in his mind he was working toward a deadline. He had never missed reaching a goal and he wasn't going to stop now.

And by Bella's last month, he could finally forego both the crutches and the wheelchair. He limped heavily and there was still some pain but he could stand and walk for small periods. And he could drive. One day after his therapy appointment he got summoned to his C.O.'s office. Unhappily he reported in, expecting his C.O. to tell him his army career was over. Instead, he was surprised with the complete opposite—he was told that he was too valuable to the Special Forces program to lose, and until he was ready, if ever, to return to active duty, they wanted him to become an instructor in the training program. His experience, knowledge and tactical skills would be an invaluable resource for their young recruits.

Jasper was overwhelmed and overjoyed as he headed home. He was the luckiest guy in the world. It was amazing how things had turned around in the last five months. He would still be able to remain in the Army job that he loved, his leg was getting stronger every day, and not only did he have an amazing wife, but a baby on the way. He was truly blessed.

Bella was extremely uncomfortable in her last few weeks of the pregnancy, so he doted on her as much as he could. He rubbed her legs and her swollen ankles. He massaged her shoulders and her scalp; he ran baths for her. Best of all since he was off active duty he was always home. They both could wait for the arrival of the baby together. And that's what they did—they talked and reminisced and reconnected, becoming "Jasper and Bella" again during that last month, before they would soon become "Mom and Dad."

It was still about a week before Bella's due date. She was craving ribs again from Al's Rib Joint, the only real BBQ place in town so Jasper had gone to pick some up for their dinner. During the pregnancy if she wasn't craving ribs then it was spicy Mexican food. Jasper always grinned proudly when she asked for either one of the two, (and sometimes both) swearing it meant their baby had some strong Texas blood running deep in him or her. Bella would just roll her eyes and tell him to get a move on, she was starving.

Jasper had just walked in the door with two big bags of food when he heard the painful yell. His blood ran cold and he dropped the food and half-ran, half-hobbled as fast as he could up the stairs to their bedroom.

Bella was doubled over gripping her swollen stomach, the floor wet under her. She glared up at him. _"Where the hell have you been? It's … time!"_ she managed to get out between gritted teeth before letting loose with another loud moan of pain.

Staring at her in shock, Jasper opened his mouth to answer her, then luckily thought better of it and snapped his jaws shut. He jumped into action, rushing around, grabbing her suitcase and other items they planned to take with them to the hospital.

The next few hours were a blur—driving to the hospital, the nurses whisking them into a room and getting Bella prepped, checking her vitals, checking the baby's status. As all this was going on, the previous fit-to-be-tied Bella suddenly turned into scared-shitless Bella as she looked at him in panic. He quickly bent down close to her, grasping her hand and making her focus on him. He told her how much he loved her, how proud he was of her, what a good mother she was going to be … and that she was strong and she was going to get through this. He was right there and they were going to get through this together, he was never leaving her side. Soon they were going to have a beautiful baby to welcome into the world.

As always he knew exactly what she needed—he knew exactly what to say and what to do to calm her, to steady her.

Unfortunately it was a long, hard labor and by the final push, Bella was very weak. Jasper was really getting worried about her, hoping she was going to be able to make it. But she managed that one last push and only seconds later they heard a hearty, healthy cry. Jasper looked at her with relief and love and joy on his face, while the tears streamed down. She collapsed against the pillow, smiling back at him.

She whispered though parched lips, _"I love you,"_ and then her eyes closed and her body went limp. The level of noise in the room rose even louder as machines started beeping loudly and nurses started rushing around. The doctor started barking out orders. Someone pushed Jasper out of the room, but not before he saw the blood … so much blood … _too much_ _blood_, he thought to himself, horrified.

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

Jasper stared blankly at the ornate cross hanging at the front of the room. He closed his eyes and leaned over, elbows on his knees, his head in his hands.

_God, please … not now...not now. We were just getting back on track; everything was good again. _He choked on a sob_. I can't … I can't live without her, I need her, our baby needs her. I know I have not been around as much as she needed me. Do whatever you __want to me for that, but don't … don't … _

He couldn't even finish his thought.

Just then the door opened.

"Mr. Whitlock? Would you like to see your baby now?"

His emotions were all over the place as he followed the nurse down the hall. Joyous, nervous, anxious, excited ….

When they walked into the nursery, the nurse motioned to him to sit down in one of the rocking chairs in the corner. His eyes scanned the various cribs, separating out all the ones in pink blankets, wondering which one she was. Everything had happened so fast in the delivery room he hadn't even gotten a chance to see her.

And suddenly there she was. The nurse handed him this teeny tiny squirming bundle of soft pink flannel, two arms and a scrunched up face the only parts of her visible.

Jasper felt like he was all gawky hands and arms trying to hold onto her properly but it didn't take long to get her situated in the crook of his arm and he just gazed down at her in awe. She was so beautiful and so perfect. An electric shock pierced through his heart followed by a feeling of warmth and calm that radiated throughout his whole body.

As he continued to gaze down at her, her face suddenly went slack and she opened her eyes, looking up at him for the first time.

"Hey baby, hey sweet pea … I'm your daddy. Welcome to the world."

He ever so lightly stroked her cheek. "You are so beautiful, the spitting image of your momma. She loves you so much baby girl, she …." he had to stop for a moment and swallow around the lump in his throat before continuing. " … She's really tired right now and needs her rest, but I promise you she can't wait to meet you."

He and Bella had discussed baby names at length for boys and girls. If it was a girl he wanted to name her after Bella, but she refused. After much heated debated they finally compromised on Sara Isabella, which he said was good enough by him, he would just call her by her middle name. Bella had thrown up her hands in exasperation.

"My little Izzy, I want you to always know and always remember that your daddy loves you more than anything in this world … well more than anything except for your momma." He smiled at her as her eyes moved all over taking everything in. "I will always be here for you, I will always take care of you and love you and protect you no matter what." He reached a finger out to stroke her hand when she moved again. Her little fingers uncurled from her fist and then wrapped around his finger so tight, it was like she simultaneously wrapped them around his heart, claiming him forever. Tears welled up in his eyes, as he gazed down at her.

He sat with her for quite a while, eventually rocking her back to sleep. He wanted to stay there forever, but he handed her back to the nurse and went back out into the hall to sit … and wonder … and wait.

Finally after what felt like forever, the doctor came to him with news. Bella had lost a lot of blood but they had finally been able to get it stopped. She would probably be asleep for a while and weak for several days, but she would ultimately be fine.

The last thin thread holding him together snapped and Jasper completely broke down, bowing his head and sobbing in to his hands. The doctor placed a hand of comfort on his shoulder as Jasper thanked him profusely. A nurse led him back to Bella's room where he was allowed to sit with her.

His heart clenched; she looked so pale and fragile against the white sheets, her eyes closed. He had to take a few deep breaths and remind himself that the doctor said she was going to be okay.

He pulled up a chair to her bedside, and took her hand in his.

"Bella baby, wake up for me, please … I saw our baby girl, she's so beautiful … she can't wait to meet her momma." He reached up and stroked her hair, continuing down across her cheek. Bella didn't stir, though, so he simply sat there, holding her hand. He would wait however long it took for her to wake up; he was not leaving her side.

Now that the crisis was over, however, his body started to shut down. He fell asleep without realizing it, his cheek resting on her thigh.

He awoke to the soft touch of fingers lightly combing through his short hair. He stirred and lazily opened his eyes. Bella was looking at him, a weak smile on her face.

_Thank you God_, was his only thought as he smiled gratefully back at his beautiful wife.

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_

Jasper was allowed a week off to get his wife and baby home and situated before he had to start his new job as a training instructor.

On the first day he had to go back to work, Bella awoke in the nursery in the rocking chair, baby Izzy still asleep in her arms. As her drowsy eyes struggled to open and get their bearings, she saw a note pinned to the baby's blanket.

_To my darling girls, _

_My heart is filled to bursting with so much love and joy as I stare at both of you, so content and peaceful. Izzy, my beautiful baby girl, sleeping in your momma's arms—be a good girl for her today and let her get some rest!_

_It was so hard to leave you both this morning. You both will be in my heart and my thoughts all day, as I count the minutes and the hours until I can be home with you both again tonight._

_Bella, I love you, and I thank you. For loving me, for putting up with me, for sharing your life with me … but most of all for not giving up on us, and for giving me the greatest gift in the world, our amazing Izzy. You have given me so much more than I deserve and I will do all I can to be the man you need, every minute, every hour every day of the rest of our lives._

_I love you baby._

_Jasper_

_**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**_


End file.
